Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My mom, my bestfriend

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my mom. I miss her everyday. She was the reason that I became of nurse. She was my rock, a shoulder to lean on and cry on, she was my best friend. I have such great memories of her and I. Then this stupid cancer turned our lives up side down. Sigh...cancer is a awful, awful,awful disease. I know she is with me and watching over me and my family, but what would I give to hear her voice again and to hug her...
This is what I said at her funeral:

You would think that with mom having cancer for 7 years you would be more prepared. I wanted her to tell me her fears and when she was in pain. And I would make sure she knew that I would take extra care of my dad and be there for him when the end got closer so he wouldn't be alone and so she wouldn't have to worry. I made sure she knew that she will always be loved, always be missed, and always be remembered for what a wonderful person she was.
I wanted her to tell me those things in hopes it would make me stronger for when the time did come to where I would have to say good-bye to my mom, my bestfriend, I would be more prepared...boy was I wrong! It still hit like a ton of bricks. You can never be prepared for a time like this but I'm comferted for she isn't in any pain.
Alot of people have asked me how I stayed so strong while taking care of her when she was at home. And I just said that I didn't see what the cancer has done to her. I saw a beautiful woman that had the smoothest skin I have ever touched, I see her salt and pepper hair that she fussed over because it just wasn't right. And if dad didn't notice that she got a hair cut or dyed oh boy! He was in the dog house! I see her hair laying softly on her pilow. When she was able to talk my heart melted when she whispered 'I love you' and I got goosebumps when she smiled. I loved it when she tapped her foot when I played her favouite music. It was those little things that kept me strong. It reminded me why I loved her, why I loved being with her. I'm thankful that I got to spend all my time with her and watch her take those last breaths. I'm thankful that she made me strong enough to tell her that it's okay to go be with the angels and to not be afraid when God takes her hand and leads her to another life where there is no pain, to a place where she can reunite with her dad. I tell her that I will always love her, that I'll always miss her, and I know that she will always be there when I need to talk to her.. And that is how I got my strength to do what I did.....because she's my everything.

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